Sobriety Behind Bars: What No One Tells You About Prison & Addiction | Amika Mota
What’s the truth about getting sober in prison? In this powerful episode, Amika Mota shares her journey from addiction to incarceration—and the unexpected realities of recovery behind bars. From fighting fires as an inmate to leading change on the outside, her story is raw, eye-opening, and deeply human.
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00:00:00:00 - 00:01:17:02
Speaker 1
Hey, welcome to Soberness. We are so honored today to welcome Tamika motor. Her story is as complex as it is inspiring. She struggled with addiction, like so many of us, for years and years. And that that ultimately led to her incarceration after committing vehicular manslaughter while driving under the influence. But that's only the beginning of this amazing story.
00:01:17:04 - 00:01:45:21
Speaker 1
While she was serving time at Chowchilla Women's Prison in California, Omega joined an elite group of incarcerated female firefighters. She put her own life on the line, even has her freedom was continually taken away. And since her release, Omega has become a fierce advocate for justice, transforming her own lived experience into a powerful force for change. Now, she's a leader in the movement to end the incarceration of women and to expand access to treatment, dignity and healing.
00:01:45:23 - 00:02:08:03
Speaker 1
And he joins us today to talk about what it means to rebuild a life and to fight fires, both literal and personal, and to walk the path of recovery out loud. Omega, I am so happy you're here.
00:02:08:05 - 00:02:35:08
Speaker 1
You know, I sort of always knew that I was going to be an alcoholic and always knew I'd end up in recovery. What? I couldn't have known is the almost immediate bond you feel with people who have also struggled with substances and, and thank God, one, you know, and been victorious. I'm not I'm not a really solid AA person because I don't like saying I'm powerless over anything.
00:02:35:09 - 00:05:15:12
Speaker 1
I, I like to feel I'm, in fact, very powerful over every single day. And that's how I stay sober. Can you take us back to what life was like before your addiction to cold?
00:05:15:14 - 00:06:50:14
Speaker 1
Was there anyone in your life who tried to stop the train from coming off the tracks?
00:06:50:16 - 00:08:07:17
Speaker 1
I didn't realize you were in touch with your biological family. How did that come?
00:08:07:19 - 00:08:12:03
Speaker 1
It's so complex a.
00:08:12:05 - 00:09:39:02
Speaker 1
Do you feel like. And I'm almost scared to ask this because, as you know, I'm an adoptive mother. Although I never even use that term, it seems ridiculous. But, do you feel like your adoption led it all to your addictions?
00:09:39:04 - 00:10:40:11
Speaker 1
How did your. The mom who raised you deal with your relationship with them?
00:10:40:13 - 00:11:44:08
Speaker 1
Right.
00:11:44:10 - 00:14:03:09
Speaker 1
You've. You spoken so openly about the crime that led to your incarceration. What do you want people to understand about that particular part of your story?
00:14:03:11 - 00:14:37:09
Speaker 1
What percentage of women that you served time with, would you say ended up behind those walls? Because they also had addiction issues stemming from trauma or what have you.
00:14:37:11 - 00:14:47:15
Unknown
Yeah.
00:14:47:17 - 00:14:57:11
Unknown
Yeah.
00:15:00:02 - 00:15:04:08
Speaker 1
Yes.
00:15:04:10 - 00:15:47:05
Speaker 1
I think one of the great misnomers about prison is that once you get into prison, you're sober because there's no access to drug. I mean, it's like a playground, right? There's. You can get anything.
00:15:47:07 - 00:16:43:14
Speaker 1
Where were you? Oh, sorry. Sorry.
00:16:43:16 - 00:17:07:23
Speaker 1
I also think I would try to be as wasted as possible. As you know, I do. I, I spend a lot of time in prison. I bring recovery in, and I love being there, and. But I do think a lot about how is what I'm saying to these girls ridiculous. Because I really don't know the horrors of life on the inside.
00:17:07:23 - 00:17:44:22
Speaker 1
Do I just sound like a tourist who's just, you know. So, I don't know, I hope I don't, I hope I don't, but but in truth, I don't try to convince them to stay sober, in prison because it would be. What do I know?
00:17:45:00 - 00:18:01:21
Speaker 1
Yes, I hope so.
00:18:01:23 - 00:18:28:13
Speaker 1
Yep.
00:18:28:15 - 00:18:30:07
Speaker 3
Okay.
00:18:30:09 - 00:18:47:11
Speaker 1
Right.
00:18:47:13 - 00:19:10:06
Speaker 1
Yeah. Absolutely. And the thing that everybody says is. Well, until someone's ready, you know they're not going to change. And it's just so true. You know, it's just so true. Someone has to be right there and so ready. And it it doesn't. Look, I'm looking at it right now with my son in his video game proclivities. It's deep.
00:19:10:06 - 00:19:32:05
Speaker 1
It's it's got a real hold on him. And that child has had through more zoom meetings with me over the years. He knows how dedicated I am to recovery. You know, I see him registering when I tell him, hey, babe, you're addicted. This isn't just for fun. You're real. You need it, you know? But he's not hearing it in a way that he's going to make a change about.
00:19:32:05 - 00:19:45:09
Speaker 1
And I feel as helpless, actually, with the video game addiction as I'm sure people felt with me and drinking. Oh, I hate even saying it out loud.
00:19:45:11 - 00:19:56:18
Speaker 1
It's real.
00:19:56:20 - 00:20:21:19
Speaker 1
Right. When someone, anything has a hold on you. That's. It's got a hold on you. Listen, I also speaking of real things. I need to apologize. I don't know if you can hear the snoring. It's my bulldog who's, right below me. So sorry about that. Yeah. Yeah, she's really feeling it. So sorry about that.
00:20:21:21 - 00:20:59:11
Speaker 1
What did. So did you get sober in prison?
00:20:59:13 - 00:21:09:02
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:21:09:04 - 00:21:17:00
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00:21:17:01 - 00:21:23:22
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh! The difference.
00:21:24:00 - 00:21:58:09
Speaker 1
Do you ever miss it? Do you ever miss using.
00:21:58:11 - 00:22:01:11
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:22:32:02 - 00:22:45:12
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:22:54:07 - 00:23:21:16
Speaker 1
Right. I understand what you're saying about California. Sober. I don't like that term because I feel like it minimizes how hard it is to get sober from anything that was bringing you down. And if alcohol was bringing you down. But you can handle weed gummies. Have yourself a weed gummy if you know, if plant medicine is the thing that gets you to your next level of development.
00:23:21:18 - 00:23:47:06
Speaker 1
I am all for it. And, you know, the unofficial motto of this show is whatever works. And I mean that in any point in your life, whatever works, that's not hurting another human being and hopefully not hurting yourself and works for you to get through the days and the weeks and the years. I'm all for it. And so when people say California sober, I think.
00:23:47:06 - 00:24:14:06
Speaker 1
Right. But the really hard thing for me was alcohol. I just was doing edit this morning, and I heard myself say to another guest, my great love of my life was alcohol. And to have partied with it was really hard. So I don't want to, you know, throw shade on any kind of sobriety if I decide to eat that weed gummy worm, which sometimes I will.
00:24:14:06 - 00:24:32:07
Speaker 1
If it were to slither on by him.
00:24:32:09 - 00:25:11:04
Speaker 1
Right. Right. Well said. Yes. Okay. So back to being a firefighter, which is, of course, so wild. And, yeah, I highly recommend everybody go back and listen to Fire Escape. It's a six parter. It's it's so well done. The reporter's name is Anna Sussman, and she just knocked it out of the park. So one of the things that one of the points that was made that I thought was so interesting was it's not like you made the choice to go running into flaming buildings, but you wanted to make a choice to not be behind the prison walls anymore.
00:25:11:07 - 00:27:26:01
Speaker 1
And as being part of the firefighting squad, you got to live a more relaxed life even though you were still incarcerated. It was obviously like night and day from being in with Genpact. Did you feel that that was dastardly in any way, of the prison system to say, we're going to make this like heaven over here so that you will risk your life as opposed to staying behind bars?
00:27:26:03 - 00:28:57:17
Speaker 1
Seem more about California being designed to exist with incarcerated labor. I didn't know that.
00:28:57:19 - 00:29:02:17
Speaker 1
Oh.
00:29:02:19 - 00:29:44:15
Speaker 3
Oh.
00:29:44:17 - 00:29:48:02
Speaker 3
Well.
00:29:48:04 - 00:31:10:21
Speaker 1
I'm glad you said it that way. Do you believe in good and bad?
00:31:10:23 - 00:31:40:14
Speaker 1
I know that bad things happen. I guess I don't want to believe that people are bad. But I do have to tell on myself that I have not been the victim of violent crime. I haven't stared in the face. So I might have a Pollyanna take on everything, you know, because things have been pretty good. So, of course, there's no bad.
00:31:40:16 - 00:31:55:11
Speaker 1
When I walk into prison, for example, I think, well, that one was abused and that one has substance abuse issues, and that was so poor and and that's what led to this.
00:31:55:13 - 00:32:17:20
Speaker 1
I'd like to think I'm right. But like you said, it's nuanced and and hard to.
00:32:17:22 - 00:32:28:07
Speaker 1
Know.
00:32:28:09 - 00:32:31:11
Speaker 3
So.
00:32:31:13 - 00:32:35:14
Speaker 1
Yeah. Okay.
00:32:35:16 - 00:33:08:23
Speaker 1
But you know what I mean when you talk about putting people in cages. But you got. It's funny you say that because just yesterday I was communicating. I was walking down the hill, from where I hold the recovery meetings in the school building, and there were women in their rec cages and we were talking back and forth, and, I just was thinking to myself, what person is going to be rehabilitated by being locked in a cage?
00:33:09:01 - 00:33:39:09
Speaker 1
And then I said, but what would happen if that person had taken the life of my son wantonly? What I think I don't care how many cages they lock you in. So again, it's a I actually that what brought me to working with prisons really in the first place was my interest in restorative justice, because I had heard the stories of parents who ended up befriending the people who took the lives of their children.
00:33:39:09 - 00:34:38:01
Speaker 1
And I thought that is just the coolest thing going. And I realized that those parents had to do that for themselves, too, because you can't walk through the world, I guess. So angry every second.
00:34:38:03 - 00:34:42:22
Speaker 1
The.
00:34:43:00 - 00:35:00:07
Speaker 1
The.
00:35:00:09 - 00:36:06:06
Speaker 1
Yeah. And it never. It never, like you just said about sound bites. Never really wraps up clean, right? Like, oh, I befriended my daughter's murderer, and now it's all good. It's all good. Actually, I'm interested to know for you. Do you, You are free. You walked out of those gates. You are a free, free woman. Do you feel free?
00:36:06:08 - 00:36:09:02
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:36:09:04 - 00:36:35:09
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:36:35:11 - 00:36:54:21
Speaker 3
No.
00:36:54:23 - 00:38:50:04
Speaker 1
I always feel that the biggest thing I can work with the women on is self-forgiveness. Because they will walk out of those gates one day. Most of them. And at the moment, they seem to report believing they will never feel free of their crime. And I'm wondering if you can give me any guidance on how to get them to the point that they can feel some freedom because, you know, you release someone back into the world who's feeling terrible about themselves every minute of every day, and I don't think the outcome will be good.
00:39:29:06 - 00:40:34:07
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00:40:34:09 - 00:42:03:10
Speaker 1
Guilt and shame are the two heaviest weights I find for any person to shoulder. You know, I'm 11 years out of drinking, and I still, like, cringe several times a day when the memories come back. Do you think there's a difference between guilt and shame? It's funny. I always see them as twins. Do you think there's a difference?
00:42:03:12 - 00:42:22:15
Speaker 1
Yeah. What is a difference? And maybe there's not. You know, like, it's like happiness and joy. Is there a difference? Are they exactly the same? Hip hop and rap. Are they different, or is it the same? You know, I don't. I don't know either I hadn't. Anyway, it it is an interesting thing to, to consider. So you're a momma of so many.
00:42:22:17 - 00:44:31:07
Speaker 1
Actually, you're probably a mama to many, many, many legions of of women, around the country, but certainly in your own home. You have three children that you had, before incarceration while you were using, and now you're a sober mama, having had all these experiences. What's the headline? What's the big difference?
00:44:31:09 - 00:45:05:22
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah.
00:45:06:00 - 00:45:47:17
Speaker 1
Do they want to be activists like you?
00:45:47:19 - 00:45:59:01
Speaker 1
That sounds great. Yeah.
00:45:59:03 - 00:46:24:10
Speaker 1
Yes.
00:46:24:12 - 00:48:06:09
Speaker 1
And let's tell our listeners and viewers about the work that you're doing now.
00:48:06:11 - 00:50:07:06
Speaker 1
Yeah. Who benefits the most from the work you do? Is it the women who are presently in formerly incarcerated? Is it their families? Is it their communities, or is it the system? Think carceral system.
00:50:07:08 - 00:50:40:14
Speaker 1
Everybody wins. Well, it just seems like everybody wins. Everyone wins from the work. I don't think everyone involved in the system is winning, but, before we sign off. Mama, I can't help but notice your beautiful tattoos that keep creeping into the frame. Do you have a favorite that you could show us? And we can describe to listeners?
00:50:40:16 - 00:52:04:19
Speaker 1
So I'll just describe it for the people. Oh, let me just describe it. One. If you could just give us a good, like, a solid visual of what we're looking at. If you could describe it.
00:52:07:11 - 00:52:42:19
Speaker 1
I let it hold it up to the camera. So that we can show everybody. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. Listen up. I I'm so grateful for your time. I'm so grateful for your insights and the heart that you're bringing to your work and just all of it. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sitting with me today.
00:52:42:21 - 00:53:32:15
Speaker 1
Thanks, mama. I must.